Why you HAVE to let go of those bad relationships! REAL TALK #5

Monday, 13 February 2017

WHAT I'VE LEARNT FROM THOSE BAD RELATIONSHIPS!

With all the lovey dovey posts happening this month because of course Valentines day is upon us, I wanted to write a post going in the complete opposite direction, just to spice things up a little on heartshapedbones! I don't really rate this time of the year, my birthday is a couple of days before Valentines so I tend to always celebrate that more in the same week it falls under! I despise getting hearts or red/pink related things for my birthday because it's so clear it's been bought from the Valentines section, but at the same time I'm not going to knock getting some nice flowers or chilling with cute films with my partner. We go out for food a lot so a date night for Valentines day is like any other date night, so I like to see it more like that than we've purely gone out just because it's that luv day in February. Anyway, even though Valentines doesn't hold anything for me I always get to thinking because everyone is doing the same, people in relationships are reflecting on their happiness and singles are talking about either dating or not dating, so out of self reflecting I've been thinking about my past relationships. I won't lie some of them we're pretty darn terrible (or else they would of worked out durrrrr) but from those terrible relationships I learnt a lot of things about myself and what I want!


let go of those who don't make time for you.

Without sounding selfish, at the end of the day it's about your happiness. In a relationship you care for one another and look after each other, but if it really isn't working, you have to put yourself first. I've found that if someone isn't making time for you, then they're really not that into you. It's really simple; if someone likes you that much than they'd make every possible second free to be with you! You'd do the same, so if you're sitting back right now thinking that you never really go out of your way to see your fella, he's probably not the one for you. I've had a past relationship where I've made every effort possible and that person didn't even show up to meet me when they were supposed to because they couldn't be bothered to get the train. When once turns into a frequent happening it's time to say goodbye, taking me onto my next point:

don't do long distance.

This is just from my own personal experience, but if you have to take a train every time to see them, maybe skip saying yes to their relationship proposal. I think it really depends on the person and how much they like you, because I've dated guys which made the effort, but then went out with guys who pretty much led their own lives as if I didn't exist when I wasn't at their neck of the woods. One guy in fact cheated on me, got the girl pregnant and in fact now has a child! Men are so charming. Others spoke to every other girl under the sun and then kept their phones out of sight when they came to see their girlfriend aka me. I think some people can't keep you in their lives unless you're there, which I can understand, but what twat seems to forget they have a girlfriend just because she's at home. You want someone to create memories with, not spend half of your relationship texting what you're eating for lunch.

being in love means being completely yourself.

I can honestly say I've only ever truly felt myself once when being in a relationship, and it's still going strong! It's as if something clicks one day into your relationship that this is it. It's effortless, being happy with no effort because you and your partner just work so well together. Joel and I form what I like to think is a super human because we're not the same person, but we get each other so well living together is pure bliss. That how a relationship should be, which then makes me look back and not once was I 100% comfortable with anyone else. If you're made to feel a particular way to be with someone it's unhealthy, if you change yourself, act a certain way to almost be accepted, it's hurting you as a person. You want a relationship to grow you as a person, not make you feel like you can't talk about a certain subject or even do something you love because they don't like it.

don't go chasing!

I remember this one time I was getting ready to go out and meet someone I was dating (we did then have a relationship) it was nearly midnight, this guy had text me to come meet him at a bar, I was doing my makeup on the landing and my Dad said 'this lad better be doing the chasing. Girls don't chase boys.' Even though the feminist in my wanted to say 'girls can do whatever they want' I sat back and thought fuck. He's not putting any effort into this at all. I think this point kind of goes hand in hand with the first, but if someone isn't putting the effort into you, don't give it back. I would always go into town to meet this guy, blow off plans, wait around when they didn't text for days and this was before we even got together Jesus. I always had an inkling it wasn't going to work but when they made the effort it swooned me, but a big jester every out of the blue isn't good enough or even healthy for a relationship. If you have to question whether someone even likes you whilst being in a relationship with them than get right out of there.

never do something you don't want to do.

This one should be so obvious but when you're in a unhealthy relationship, you don't see when you're being manipulated. It's the little things that make it worse, having someone make you feel so low about yourself that you'll hang on to their every beck and call. I was in a terrible relationship once but I was made to feel as if he was all I had, so I stayed and got so...sad about life that all I did was sleep. He made me feel like my friends we're my friends, that going out drinking was bad because he wasn't there, that I didn't even want to go home and instead stay at his every night and of course I did, but I'd sleep the moment I came home from college till the next day and still felt exhausted. These type of relationships always seem the hardest to get out of and they are, but you just have to do it for yourself. You have to get out of there because the second you do, you're on the right track to getting yourself better.

second chances never work out.

I've never had a second chance work out (so this point is going to be incredibly bias) so never take that loser back or think they're suddenly going to become a new human being because they admit to making a mistake. I've felt I was being the bigger person taking someone back or made excuses as to why it didn't work out the first time, but my biggest piece of advice has to be don't do it and just walk away completely. A relationship is meant to be effortless, happy, full of love and not the bulls**t some people try to tell you other wise. If it's not working it won't work, so leave, find love and be happy.

I hope if these points haven't helped than they've been slightly entertaining or whatever people get out of dating related posts! I like spilling details about my life and dating definitely is a big thing in every girls life. If you want to see more dating/relationship related posts then let me know in the comments! If you have any relationship advise for others to read let us know down below!

Until next time,




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