Giving myself some needed self care

20 May 2018

I actually sat down on my sofa  the other night and finished off a book I'd been meaning to complete...considering I used to read a whole book in a day sometimes really says a lot about that 'I'm to busy all the time' or 'always something else to do' place I've fallen to in my life. I won't lie, I feel like it's been a very long time since I set aside some time dedicated to just me and it's burning my brain out. I miss that comfortable feeling of being tucked up in comfy clothes, settling down to watch something or do something as simple as reading. There's always something on my brain, always a blog post to write, Instagram to check, snapchat to's exhausting so I really wanted to write a little honesty post of how I've actually been feeling lately because it's not good.

This year didn't start out well for me and it was progressively getting worse till a complete of months ago. I felt ok, everything was picking up, work was good, I was really happy with my home (still am) but I've started to have a little lapse and my minds back in a really shit place. I rarely leave my house, I don't see people because of course everyone has busy lives that I can't expect to stop because I need someone. The weathers fantastic but that's all fine and dandy when you're sat in your garden alone drinking gin at 2 in the afternoon because you have no one to go to the pub with. I know that I don't need someone else to use as a crutch for my happiness, but it doesn't help that god awful feeling of being lonely when you're indeed alone. With it being mental health awareness week I really wanted to just have an honest word spill on my blog, pair it with a shoot I was really happy with and felt really good on that day to tell myself to constantly look up.

It can be really hard to give yourself some well needed self care moments when you're a busy bee, I have a lot on my plate and hands in a lot of pots, so getting that deserved time can be hard. Most of the time when I get home from my day job I'm editing, writing up blog posts, drawing and I've never thought about it but that's none stop working from 7am till about 10pm at night. I'm burning myself out, but sometimes when I get home sit down I'm exhausted and it just doesn't feel like unwinding time that I think everyone needs. I miss having those days off where I did nothing, where I just chill at home, don't get dressed and just kind of slob out. Slobbing out stresses me out though because I don't feel comfortable, but it's been a very long time since I just took a day off for myself and it does work against my anxiety. I'm always stressed and worried that I'm not doing enough, I'm not putting myself out there social and then I just feel bad if I say I'm doing nothing on a weekend. Is that stupid? I generally dislike someone at work asking me what I'm doing this weekend because it's been sweet f**k all lately. Dating is a bust, my friends are busy, I have people to talk to online but really I wanna be soaking up the sun in a beer garden and not sat in my room alone watching 13 reasons why trying not to cry about my own problems. 

Sometimes self care can start with having time to yourself but I've had enough time alone, surrounding yourself with people can be the best medicine and it's definitely well over due for me. 

In situations where I need some time to myself or to atleast feel like I'm sorting apart of myself out, I like to have a huge clean where I go through boxes or stuff and access what I have. I love to organise things, so whether it's documents on my laptop to my wardrobe, I also find comfort in just tidying up. I recently went through the spare room and threw away a bunch of stuff I was keeping for no reason - tidy home tidy mind after all. It felt so good but also I found a bunch of stuff that gave me great memories and now it all has a proper home. This sounds so typical but when things get too much in my head or I just feel uncomfortable where I am it's always good to get fresh air and walk. I really appreciate those moments where I pop my headphones in and walk, whether it's to the shop or even in a morning when I'm walking to work! I took myself to the park the other night to shoot some sun down photographs and I just loved it so much, so peaceful and I was completely in my own bubble. 

Something that's always got me through tough times is throwing myself into my own, and despite this being where the stress comes from it's also fun to create content. It's a breather, whether it's creating art which I find so therapeutic I also love to take photographs. I've been picking the camera back up lately and shooting what I see on my travels - I miss doing it! I also picked lots of flowers to press to make some collages, it always used to excite me collecting prints and paper for a good collage. It's finding those things that make you happy and throwing myself into them, so I've decided to atleast put aside time on a weekend to step away from online and do them. I am going to make an effort too to spend more time with people, I remove myself from contact when I feel 'wobbly' in my head and I know Ive been doing it a hell of a lot lately. I just have this lost feeling and currently it's hard to imagine what I'll be doing in the future because I just think of the weeks I have no plans and it worries me.

With the weather being glorious I do think this lifts up my mood! I've been transitioning my wardrobe ready for the sunny months and whilst this outfit isn't exactly bright, I love 90's vibes it brings. This vintage floral maxi dress reminds me so much of something Monica off Friends in the first season would wear, paired with white trainers and probably a white top! I went for black of course just to keep things a little Spring witch, but I love the little highlights of pink and it's surprisingly super breezy to keep me cool. I love to layer even when the weathers warm so I think it's a statement piece you could easily dress up or down. 

I think it's so important to express what's in your head, whether it be just noise or something that's really affecting you. This blog helps me to say my piece and just get things off my chest so I hope you can sort of understand the fog I'm currently in without being in it yourself, I don't wish that upon anyone. 

Until next time guys,

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