Quitting my job, Witch Crafts & Life Evaluating | Life Update

21 Jul 2017

It feels like forever since I sat down and not only wrote a blog post, but actually wanted to in the first place! It's been nearly two months since I felt the urge to blog, which for someone who's been blogging for nearly six years feels incredibly weird! There's been periods in my life where things have had to come first like university, but I've never gone so long feeling as if everything I'll write won't be good enough or having no motivation to even take pictures for a post. I love photography, it's always been a passion of mine and I even have a foundation level degree in it! I've always been able to get myself out of a block by taking some really good pictures, but not only was my motivation to do so not there I also had no time to do anything. It's been like this now pretty much the entirety of 2017, I just tried to cram so much into the time I had outside of work (which was very little a day because I commuted to work on the train) until finally I burned out. I wrote a blog post about everything that was going on in my life like a month ago and I'll be honest, I was at rock bottom. My boyfriend and I we're going through a tough time, I was staying at my mums, hating my job, hating life if I'm honest trying to find some ounce of time to do anything for myself and I just wanted to stay in bed all day and not bother anymore. I decided to delete the post because finally everything is coming up Milhouse and I'm sorting my life out. I don't want any reminders of how crap I felt, I'm putting it behind me and I refuse to ever feel that low in my life again! A lot has happened over the space of two months and I want to let you guys in, push aside the negative bits and tell you straight! A life update, but with the positive things. 

I quit my full time job and retail and now I have my own online business! 

This possibly has to be the biggest highlight for me this year whilst also being the biggest burden, I'm incredibly happy with this life choice because it's literally my dream! But it's come out of an uncomfortable place because I blame my job working in retail on how much my mental health suffered this year. I've always been a happy person, many people describe me as a ball of energy and I always remain positive about everything, so for everyone including myself to see that drain out of me was heart breaking. I never thought a job would mentally start to effect me so much, but when it got to the point of me crying every day before I got to work, I knew I had to quit and do something I really loved. I mentioned a number of times that I worked for H&M, I started in the branch in York which was so much like a family to me, everyone was so SO nice to me, but I got offered a manager position so to do my training  I was moved to the branch in Leeds! I was so excited to start with because this was such a huge opportunity for me, but literally from day one it was problem after problem. It was like management there we're so unorganised of me being trained, I didn't get any of my training tools until three weeks in, and then when I started to go to the training school I saw how lax they we're being with me. I had a title with no power, no one saw me as a manager, everyone was super nice, but the manager who was training me had zero time to do so. He never planned me in for anything that I was meant to be 'studying' so when I was tasked certain things like reports to do via my training school, it just wouldn't get done because I was being used as a body on the shop floor. If I had a training plan it must of been wrote out in invisible pen because I never saw it once. I started to realise it just wasn't for me, I hated the traveling and I just started to feel so messed about. 

So with feeling pretty shit whilst I was at work, I also had my life crashing down outside too. I hated commuting it took up to much time, I had moved back in with my parents who live in the middle of no where so traveling to do anything was off the cards (meaning getting to the station was either walking 40 minutes or relying on my mum for a lift which I felt so bad about I'm a 23 year old woman lol) I felt like I was invading everyones like with my shit pile of problems, so I just felt very alone. I shared a bed with my sister and lived out of a draw of about five outfits, but I did manage to really reflect on where my life was at and what I needed to do to get my happiness back.

I let how unhappy work was getting me effect everything else, so after days of talking to both my family and Joel too I decided that the best thing was for me to hand in my notice and look for another job. Joel's always been so supportive and we decided that I would finally just go for it and actually work for myself! Since being at university I've sold my artwork, very part time as I always worked and had other things going on like uni, but finally this was the perfect time to follow what I've always wanted to do and what I went to university for! I did want a part time job, just a little something to tie me over whilst I was building my products, but my manager being incredibly useless once again forgot to tell me that I had an interview for a part time slot at Doncaster H&M and basically cost me the job. I was that mad that I didn't even finish my notice period, I just walked out. I've never been messed around in a job as much as I had working in Leeds, which was such a shame because I loved the company so much. I've never walked out of a job before, but it felt like the last straw to me and finally I could focus on myself and getting my art store Witch Crafts going!

Since taking the plunge to work for myself I literally had not stopped, but it feels so good to be doing something that I love! I enjoy waking up super early to sit at my mac and work, networking, building my store, designing up ideas and then spending my days creating artwork which people are loving! I took a big leap of faith and it feels so good that people are on the same page, showing me so much support and love which I've never felt so appreciate for! I've really needed the supporting hands to help me back up, I feel so happy already that I'm going down the path I honestly feel I was destined to go in this life time. Being unhappy in my job really affected Joel and I but now we have so much time for each other, I work from home so sorting out the house, things like that has become less of a burden on us both. I've been working for myself for a couple of weeks now and I already have t-shirts, jewellery, lots of art prints, embroidery art and even some home decor! I've started working on dolls, greeting cards, other paper crafts and I'm putting together a couple of zines! I've been working my ass off but it feels so good.  

I've been treating it as a working job with my own work schedule, a plan of what I'm doing each hour of the day between 8 and 4, so now my new challenge is to also balance in blogging! I'm having some technical difficulties at the moment with my memory cards corrupting and my camera just doesn't want to work, but I'm going to get back on fashion blogging and regularly posting again! Even if its only twice or three times a week, its what I love to do in life and I want to do it full time now I have the chance. 

Oh and I've also given my hair a little loving with a chop! Back to having my short little bob and I love it, I'm struggling with whether to dye the whole thing green again or just go back to black to give it a little rest while it grows out again! 

I want to say thank you to so many people who have kept me level headed and really been there for me these past months! So many blogger babes are there for you thick or thin, sending positive waves through the internet and I've really needed it when I've felt like I've had no one to talk to. You're all so supporting so thank you, it's meant so much.

If you're interested in seeing what artwork I create here is my store Witch Crafts  & I do plan to make a lot of art related posts here on Heartshapedbones which I'm super excited about! D.I.Ys, Q&As, my opinion on specific art thangs, just a lot of what I'm about. 

Thanks everyone, until next time, 

If you like reading my blog it would be so awesome if you could vote for me for best fashion blogger for the blogger blog awards! You can vote here