Reminding myself why I love being independent and living alone

20 Mar 2018

Just recently its been happening again. That grey sadness riddled cloud has entered my life again leaving a fog in my head that I've not been able to clear for a while. I feel negative about everything, I keep giving up, accepting I've failed and this last week was so unbearable. I think what's even worse is I can't really tell you what's spurred it on or why it's happening, I'd like to think I've been quite happy and good things have been happening for me...but at the same time that cloud is still there, it's in my brain making my stomach feel like it's sinking and I can't shake it, that when I'm alone if I don't have some sort of distraction I'll scream or feel pained. Like I said good things are happening to me but that one little bad thing is what's bringing me back down and I feel so stupid to let that one bad thing affect me like it does. I've had to really remind myself lately all the positives in my life and why I shouldn't see this period of my life as a bad thing. It's a fresh start, something that's going to open new doors and new possibilities with me.

 I always thought I'd hate being on my own but actually that's not the case at all, I love it and just to remind myself how good I've got it I wanted to write a post about a few things I'm thankful for and what makes me really happy.

you can have a routine that's all about you

It has taken me a while to figure out my living alone situation. I was quite scared at first to live on my own but now I love that feeling of being able to do what ever I want and I've worked out a routine that souly benefits me. It's not like I couldn't do what I wanted before, but there's just something completely different about an independent routine. Every things calm in the morning, things are where I left them and if I'm in a rush in the morning I can create that whirl wind of chaos and it be fine because it's my own mess in my own space that I can clean up at my own leisure. 

I've loved that moment in a morning on a weekend when I'm making a cup of tea, in my dressing gown, podcast or some up beat music on in the background and the possibilities of the day are just endless. I do love being in a relationship don't get me wrong and doing that morning routine with someone is so special, but it's been a long time since I've just had a calm morning which I then can focus all on myself. It's a little selfish, but just that calmness makes me so clear minded and having a focus in mind really is my favourite thing about being independent. No relying on anyone, I'm responsible for my own and it has encouraged me to do everything for myself! At the same time as having a routine if I decide I want to change something up or do something different there's no having to work around another person or even explaining what I'm doing, the pots can not be washed or if I want to just go out on a walk it's not weird or random because I just want some air. it's little things that I've surprisingly found enjoyable living alone.

Surrounding myself with my own things, memories, photographs and décor

When you live with someone whether it's a partner, friend, university house mate, even family it's always about some level of balance and compromise, but living alone I've really been able develop a personal space. All those photographs and memories I kept in a box are now on my walls, in photo frames next to the telly and it really lifts my spirits to look at photographs of people I love in my life. I've always wanted a wall of my favourite pieces of art and now I have that, it just makes living in a space much more enjoyable when you've been able to do it just how you want. I don't just look at it as photos of my friends and art, I remember putting the photos up, really feeling safe and happy as I made my house a home. 

I love antique décor, gothic little trinkets and I've even been able to hunt down some 70's inspired things like a long light brown tv cabinet. Moving in to a house unfurnished at first was so daunting but now I'm so happy with the furniture I managed to hunt and my favourite corner of my home is in my living room, the corner of the L sofa I've always wanted with a tall plant I've always wanted with artwork I've always wanted hung in my living room. Even when talking to people daily I feel alone a lot of the time and I laid on the sofa, feeling these empty feelings so I've had to remind myself just how I've built myself back up after a really shitty time. I've gone out and got what I want to make myself happy and I need to appreciate the space I've created more because my home is a huge reason I love being independent.

i've found myself taking my creativity to a new level
One thing keeping me going this past week has been my creativity and I'm proud of the amount of new products I drew and also the photographs I took for my blog. Don't get me wrong I probably could of done all of these things when I lived with other people, but there's just something more to being able to get on with your things on your own late into the night without having to stop the creative flow due to other things. I rarely took photographs of myself in my house but now it's my favourite spot to shoot! I've really developed my photograph quality and I love these shots I got just sitting on my sofa. I find creating art is such a good way to get yourself out of a funk or at least distract yourself from your problems, I decided to take up weaving on a loom and I'm so happy with the wall hanging results I got. I want to create a huge one for my bedroom. 

eating better through money troubles but also to look after myself
 I'm one for a good take away, but living on my own has forced me to only order out when truly necessary because so far I've been really tight on money. The first months or so of moving out is always hard, but living on my own I've found I'm actually eating so much better because I can't really afford a take away. I told myself I wasn't going to eat like a teenager if I lived alone and I've actually been looking some interesting meals everynight - it reminds me to actually look after myself and not just nurture my mind but my body too as it's all down to me now. I think its also another way to get yourself out of a funk, put some netflix on your laptop, glass of wine and cook away!    

I hope this isn't too obvious to say but I'm just really happy to be able to do me for a change, to focus just on myself and what I want in life. It's quite scary if I'm honest, now not knowing where my futures going to go but that's also exciting because it's a fresh new journey. If I wanted to go live in a city I could, where as before I don't think that would of been a possibility again in my life time. There's so many other things I'm enjoying that comes with being independent but these are the things I've had to remind myself with that I've actually got it good. It does suck when you feel a little lonely which is why I'm reminding myself it's actually ok and living alone is opening up alot of doors for me. I look at my home every day and it makes me smile, when I just pop to the pub on a whim because a friends text I just feel more free-er to do what I want. Mainly though I've been able to focus on my art store and blog to take them all to the next level and that's what I want to take this time to mainly focus on and push. 

I wanted to include some shots of my home or at least some of my favourite features around my living room and kitchen.  It's open plan downstairs so I have my living room area, an open space where the back doors are which I assume could be used as a dining area then the kitchen that cuts to the right. I didn't realise I had so much stuff but I feel damn lucky that all of this is mine and I've supported myself through living alone. I recently hung up alot of art work and an antique mirror to my wall and I love the result. It reminds me of what you'd see in a tattoo parlour with all the framed work, but I've also stuck up some photos of friends and family to keep myself reminded that they're with me on my journey.

I'd love to do more posts like this where I share bits from my home as it's develops! I feel in a completely different mind frame this week as I write this post so hopefully that's the funk floating out of my space for good. I understand we all get sad and that's fine, but I've needed to shake it so bad in order to get on with my life. 

Thankyou so much for reading guys and supporting everything I do,
Until next time guys,

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